what is the post-meme?

the meme began as a counter-culture. the participants who were “in” on the joke spoke a language that remained opaque to the outside world, a world that did not “grow up on the internet.” now everyone grows up on the internet. the meme has been mainstreamed. the meme is how you are expected to engage …

The Book

In my library, in a bookcase toward the back, on the top shelf just off to the left, sits a book I don’t remember writing. A thick novel, filled from cover to cover with all the hallmarks of my literary voice: Witty characterizations, dense symbolism that weaves itself among plot threads, and a good sex …

Maybe It’s Not About Flashbacks Anymore

I’ve been in therapy of some sort for 16 years. I’ve done group therapy and individual therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy, and whatever those other kinds of therapy are called. I’ve taken every antidepressant, every anti-anxiety medication, and a couple atypical antipsychotics. I even experimented with electroconvlusive therapy (it didn’t work). I’ve been diagnosed with depression, …

Lack of Abuse Isn’t Enough

“Let’s play GI Joes,” my older brother says. I hate this game. I don’t care about guns or soldiers or fighting. “No, I don’t want to,” I tell him. He pins me to the ground and screams in my face until I give in. This mini-drama plays on repeat for years: I say “no” to …

Long-term Cycles of PTSD

Maybe you can help me. My therapist says I should talk about this with people so I can get feedback on what I’m feeling: I go through long-term phases where my PTSD symptoms will improve for several months. I become vastly more productive and social. I make new friends, more people support my work with …

Untangling a Gordian Knot of Symptoms

Genital dysphoria occupies my mind all the time now. I keep wanting to believe that, while genital dysphoria sucks, it is something I can grin and bear. That I need surgery, of course, but if I can’t get surgery I can still live my life. I want to believe this, but it’s not true. Genital …

Escape from Limbo

My third laser appointment was today. Each appointment is spread out three to five weeks, and during those weeks I have no visible facial hair. Only on the night before the next appointment do I notice anything growing back, and it’s too little hair for anyone else to notice. It’s as though I’m already finished …

Renovations

The site is undergoing another change, as I separate my games work from my non-games writing. You will find my games and industry-related writing at Patchwork Doll Games. AmyDentata.com will focus on my other writing work. Now that game dev is taking up more of my time, I am probably dropping a lot of my …