Well said, kalinka64. I am very spiritual, and I love the way you described your experience. I like to use other’s words to help me find mine, so if you don’t mind, I will borrow some of yours, as well as Amy’s: Blue boy and the demon sometimes work together to suppress and repress pink girl and the lady.

I understand what you mean about the spiritual aspects of coming to know yourself, with the exception that I am evenly pulled between male and female. Yin and Yang. It was by communicating with my guardian spirit (whom I also see as a beautiful woman who holds me and comforts me) that I was able to come to terms with the fact I am genderqueer. I identify as bi and two-spirit.

It is confusing as hell sometimes, being 50/50. It can feel like my soul is in flux between two magnets. I am drawn to both poles, but I feel forever in the middle of the two. Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere… Straight, Gay, Men, Women… none of those groups seem to understand me.

Beyond that, there are a couple of other entities that pop up occasionally. Most I give no proper name. Perhaps I should…

-One is a demon, who enjoys tormenting me with horrific images. Most commonly, these are large, buzzing insects. The demon does this to make me stronger partially, but mostly they do it for their own sadistic pleasure since they enjoy causing suffering. Their main feature is that they can take on any physical form they wish.

-One is a beautiful woman who is physically bigger than me, who holds me and softly comforts me when I am anxious, often to a very calming effect. She and the demon can sometimes be the same entity when I am suffering from the fear of dying or ceasing to exist.

I really have no paradigm to think of this within, outside of spirituality.